i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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