he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You took a bar mat shot.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
ttyl tear gas
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
