party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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