One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
