im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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