Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
