can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
