Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
