You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
