for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
