i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
