evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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