just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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