there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
