I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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