We're facebook friends in real life
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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