I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
