Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize