oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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