just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
