she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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