i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
