as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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