And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
