I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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