My friends, they love my intelligence
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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