Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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