How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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