You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize