Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
