Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
