Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Come back. Shots need mouths.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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