It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
