dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
