In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
