He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
