Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
