I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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