Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
