I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
