my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
