I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
