So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
