Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Hippo gnu deer
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
