he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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