Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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