he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
