I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
