he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
