Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You took a bar mat shot.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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