We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
